


Survivor's Guilt

by Shujinkakusama



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/F, Gen, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Multi, Polyamory, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8531758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shujinkakusama/pseuds/Shujinkakusama
Summary: The Final Strike kills everyone Pearl knows, save two other Crystal Gems, and the trio mourn both individually and together. // Rosepearlnet, Pearlnet, Rosepearl, lots and lots of crying.





	

The morning sun broke orange over the Strawberry Battlefields, bright and mocking in its intensity, as Rose Quartz and her two dearest companions surveyed the damage done by the Final Strike.

 

It wasn’t pretty.

 

It was _surreal_.

 

Humans and Gems alike had fallen to the Diamonds’ blast, and neither had corpses to bury. It had been a scorching, bone-searing song of death, and Rose’s shield was the only thing that had protected the trio.

 

Surviving seemed impossible. Sick, even. Pearl didn’t know what the taste in the back of her throat was, but as she moved on unsteady legs, searching for fallen Gems that weren’t broken beyond repair, she felt like a puppet, like someone was pulling her legs and arms up and down for her, because she surely wasn’t in control of her own body.

 

Victory had been short-lived, and this… this was defeat, this was _total annihilation_.

 

Pearl had served two Diamonds in her life, relatively short by Gem standards, and one she had helped to kill; the other…

 

Her Holiness had to be part of the attack. There had been white light in the blast, and she couldn’t hear anything from beneath Rose’s impenetrable shield, but she knew, knew without a doubt, that the Judge and Sword couldn’t be solely responsible.

 

White Diamond had helped destroy everything.

 

Pearl realized, some time later, that she hadn’t looked beneath anything, that she’d simply been _walking_ all this time, and she sank down to her knees, tired and battered.

 

And for the first time in many days, Pearl cried.

 

Ragged sobs raked her small body, and her swords were forgotten at her sides. Pearl cried long and hard, until her throat was raw and her tears had streaked rivers down her face and nose, dirty from many days at war, and she gripped the damp grass with such force that she ripped blades from the trampled earth. She wept for the Gems they’d lost, the humans that had been so foolish as to join the fight for their own planet, for Rose and Garnet, for the damage they had all done _to_ the Earth, for the Gems that would never see it—she wept uselessly for it all, until she was hoarse and exhausted and sore from her own tense position, hunched over the ground.

 

By the time Pearl had cried herself out, the sun had risen high enough in the sky that the pink and orange sunrise was gone, replaced with blue hues and not a cloud to speak of. By the time she actually moved to get up, it was almost certainly noon.

 

Garnet was waiting for her a few leagues off.

 

Garnet was always waiting for her, and Pearl didn’t know, right now, that she was relieved by it. Her presence was always welcome, of course, but…

 

Pearl tried to slip past her best friend, only to have gloved hands catch her shoulders. She stopped, but didn’t look up right away, eyes trained firmly on the ground between her feet. She could feel a war of feelings through Garnet’s Gems, one hot and one cold, and when she did finally look up her companion looked tired and strained, like holding herself together took every ounce of strength she had. And it did, Pearl realized, as Garnet sank down to her knees, hands trailing down Pearl’s arms to grasp her smaller fingers with desperation. The Renegade was silent, then withdrew from her grasp and wound her arms around Garnet’s shoulders.

 

Garnet cried and made no sound, tears pouring from all three eyes, and Pearl finally knelt in front of her to grant her better access. Garnet pulled her so close that Pearl thought her ribs might crack, but she didn’t have it in her to say so, and the older Gem was glad that she didn’t need to breathe. The Fusion cried hard against her chest, barely breathed, and Pearl stroked her back and ran long fingers through her hair without a word.

 

Rose found them long after the sun had set, worried and frantic. Pearl sat with her legs folded to one side while Garnet cried into her lap, clutching her tunic, and her left hand had long burned away some of the illusory fabric, while her right spread ice along Pearl’s torso. She didn’t say anything, and Garnet didn’t seem to know she was doing it.

 

Rose Quartz had spent much of the day crying over their comrades’ remains without positive results. Gems that should have reformed didn’t, even as the cracks left in their surfaces healed. But none took form, none returned from the grave, and the leader of the rebellion had finally given up and gone in search of her companions. Pearl looked up at her haltingly, eyes puffy from her tears, and Rose sank down behind Garnet to envelope the last of her army in an embrace so tight they _both_ nearly lost their forms.

 

At this point, neither would have minded.

 

“I love you,” Rose uttered, the first to speak in hours, the only one with words left to share. Garnet withdrew her left hand from Pearl’s scalded waist to hug Rose back, and Pearl did likewise. The trio huddled together, and finally, Garnet was able to wind her tears down to nothing. Here, at least, she was safe, and in company that she would never, ever part from. “I love both of you so much…”

 

“Me too,” Pearl managed finally, blinking at the resurgence of tears that she knew would do nothing. Still, her mouth tasted like wads of linen had been stuffed inside, and her voice was coarse from crying. “I’d die for you both.”

 

“No,” Garnet whispered, pressing her face into the warmth of Pearl’s flat stomach, “Live. We need you to live. No more death, please, Pearl…”

 

“She’s right, my Pearl,” Rose said softly, pulling her knight closer and dusting a kiss over her Gem. “From now on, we need to live. For everyone we’ve lost.”

 

Pearl didn’t see how that would help, but she supposed that it made some measure of sense. Honoring the lost would be better than simply mourning them. She closed her eyes, exhausted beyond measure, feeling thousands of years older than she really was. Pearl sighed into Rose’s chest, cheek pressed against the swell of her bosom, and she mustered up the strength to nod. “I’ll live,” she said, “I’ll live for the both of you.”


End file.
